Chapter Nine: I am an outstanding, exciting awesome
(Woman/ Man) Individual!
Self Development "How well do you know yourself?"
By now you have a pretty good understanding of your strengths, and where you need assistance. Where do you need assistance? Can you identify people that can help you?
(Journal)
Who are they ?
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Do you need someone to keep you focused?
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If not, how is it working for you so far?
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Have you identified any new habits that need to be developed to help you to be more successful?
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Do you know your top five Passions in both your personal life and business life (many times they are the same!)
1.______________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________
3. _____________________________________________________
4. _____________________________________________________
5.______________________________________________________
Are you able to accept healthy analysis? ___________________________________________
Are you Coachable?
The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.” –Vince Lombardi
Answer the following questions yes or no
1. I have the time to invest in myself (30 minutes a week) ____
2. I am able to keep my word and promises to myself and others with limited concern _____
3. I want to move out from where I am and go and want to advance _____
4. I am willing and able to do what is necessary _______
5. I am willing to give up self sabotaging behaviors that limit my success _____
6. I am willing to try new concepts even if I'm not sure they will be successful _____
7. I have the support I need to make big changes in my life (hiring a coach or joining an online coaching program will make this a YES)
8. Coaching is the more acceptable path for the changes I want to make as opposed to therapy, counseling or a 12 step program ____
9. I am fully responsible for my own life and the decisions I make______
If you answered "no" to two or more of the above questions, starting on a life-changing coaching program may not be effective at this time
Yet if you answered "yes" to 8 of the 9, you are Coachable, and the time is right!
I have always been one whom has been extremely passionate, love to do many things, and along the path I tended to get a little distracted. When I was introduced to the Passion Test I gained Clarity...
The Passion Test
" The number one reason most people don't get what they want is
that they don't know what they want.” ― T. Harv Eker
How do you discover what is your real passion?
"Passion is a very personal experience. When you begin to do what you love, what you are truly passionate about, you life will be irrestably pulled in directions you can't even begin to imagine" Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood co authors The
Passion Test
Lets start by removing the "hows" in our life and moving through to what your ideal life would be, can be, and will be. Remove all obstacles, and negative self talk. Believe that anything is possible and start to write down;
"My life is ideal when I am _______________________________"
Repeat this at least 10 times, keep it in the present tense, and use only one item per line. Think huge, outrageous, as if you had all the resources you needed to do and be anything you want.
(You can find more in the Number 1 Business Book)
Now you will need someone who is qualified to take you through this, because your mind may play a trick on you!
Go to www.thepassiontocreatechange.com and order the book now!
The next step will be;
"When you are clear, what you want will show up in your life, and only to the extent that you are clear"
If you had to choose between having the first passion and the second passion on your list which would you choose? Keep in mind you will get all of your passions, but for now, choose the one that is "most important"
If you get stuck ask yourself “If you could have one, and never have two, which matters most?
Now sometimes we may be in further challenge, so at this time it is also advisable to have someone ask you the question, but for now, close your eyes and imagine yourself with your first passion, experiencing with all your senses, touch, smell, taste, hearing, seeing, and truly experiencing the passion full out, breath into it, and just feel it, No where in this picture is the second passion. Stay with it for a few seconds, minutes. Okay, now put it aside and take the second passion, and repeat all the senses, touch, smell, taste, hearing, seeing, and breath ... and ask yourself; "which feels better".....
and move on. Go through the whole list until you come up with five.
Although studies show that the human brain can handle 7 digits at a time, er go telephone numbers, when it comes to words it decreases to 5, and the human brain deciphers in "chunks".
Any more than that, the brain, shuts down. The Passion test was designed on that basis and Janet and Chris have found five to be the magical number for the brain to comprehend and retain five passions at a time.
The next step you will do will be to grade your top five passions from 0 - 10, "0" being that you do not have that passion in your life today, and "10" as you are living that passion full out.
Rewrite your passions with the grade and you will notice where you have been putting your energy, and where you need to put energy in order to get your passion(s) at a "10".
Next we need to go through a process so we are reminded of our passions so that at any given time you will be able to state your top five passions!
Write them out on index cards and place them where you spend the majority of your time. In front of your computer, on the bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator, in your car, everywhere you can think of. I have heard some laminated them to have them hanging in the shower!
Now the next step to make them real!
What do you do to remember things? Write them down! Yes!
(You can refer to the story of Pankaj in the book the Passion Test for more clarity on "markers")
So now it's time for you to go through your top 5 passions and write out 3 - 5 things for each one to describe what you life would be if you were living your passion full out! In the Book The Passion Test these are called "markers".
"When you are clear, what you want will show up in your life, and only to the extent that you are clear"
Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood co authors.
If you'd like to have more, get your copy of the Number 1 Business Book, you may purchase the chapter or the entire book...
Chapter Only $9.95 / chapter
Special Kindle Version
Is that little voice still going off in your head? Are you telling yourself I am not able to do this? You should just stay at your JOB or look for a new paycheck? By the way, do you know what "JOB: stands for?
"Just over Broke"
How many people do you know that still work paycheck to paycheck waiting for that special "retirement day"? Better yet have you ever known someone who waited for retirement and died shortly after, never really achieving and living their dreams? This book is not for those who prefer to stay in a job as you probably have already figured out. This is a book for you to use and step out of your comfort zone and to start to truly live the life you were destined to live. Something happened along the way that made you detour. It could have been a parent who told you should just get married? (if you are female) Or maybe you took over the family business because that was what you were suppose to do, or better yet you became a Doctor, because your parents thought that is what you should be!
I have a cousin who married her child hood sweetheart. They met in at church, it was a non denominational church, and one thing they had in common was their love of GOD.
He was an only child of an Italian family (already an oxymoron!) and they insisted that he become a Doctor. Well he did, and was a good one at that, but he always continued his ministry. He became a minister too. It wasn't until his parents died that he truly lived his dream.
I am sure we all know someone who was led astray by someone who we respected and wanted to please. I know for myself I wanted to be many professions as a young child, one was a celloist, and I remember hearing "You won't make any money doing that".
This brings me to the three things that keep us from being successful, and they are;
False Beliefs
False Concepts
False Ideas
Some make describe them as "Limiting Beliefs" anyway you look at it, it is a belief, concept or idea that is not true that keeps us from living our dreams!
Byron Katie author of Loving What Is has developed this concept even further. She came up with four questions to ask when you are faced with one of the above, ask yourself; (see Resources)
1. "Is it true?" (if no move to #3)
2. "Can you absolutely know that it's true?"
3. "How do you react what happens, when you believe that thought?"
4. "Who would you be without that thought?"
Then you need to turn it around, and find three genuine examples of how the turnaround is true in your life!
By going through her "work" you will be amazed at how much easier it is to stay focused on "You" and how we are responsible for our own destiny.
Let me share an example;
I first came upon this "work" while I was going for my certification for the Passion Test. Janet and Chris both feel we have to be the best "me" before I can be of service to someone else. At this time I was of the belief that "I have already done my work" this was two years ago, I was already 30 years sober in Alcoholic Anonymous, lived the 12 steps, practiced the traditions, did my Adult Child work, addressed my rape with an in depth program for sexual trauma 18 years prior., blah, blah, blah... Guess what!
We are nevah finished working on our selves (that is if you really want to be whole and successful) until the day we die!
I struggled finding someone that I felt I still had "challenges" with!
Well it didn't take long that I was able to search inside and found the deep hurts that remained. You know the ones, the one where you get resentment or a blast of anger for no reason?
And for me, it is my Mother.
My Mother once told me it was easier to "ignore me" than to pay attention to me growing up.
(Yes I did feel like an invisible child, more about that in my other book, "Metamorphosis from Invisible to Invincible").
Well anyhow, for me it appears that my mother has a better relationship with my daughter than I do. Mind you we are all adults... but at times I would get sad, blow up, resentful, and detached.
So, using Katie's format'
My daughter has a better relationship with my mother than she does with me.
Really saying, my "daughter pays more attention to my mother than she does with me"
Question:
#1 "Is it true"... YES.
#2 Yes, she calls my mother more than me, she visits my mother and not me, blah, blah, blah....
#3 I become resentful, sarcastic, I get sad, I alienate myself from my mother and my daughter...
#4 I would be more loving, acceptable
The above was easy! Now when turn it around.
My mother pays more attention to my daughter than she does with me.
I pay more attention to my daughter than my mother
I have not paid attention to me!
Do you see where it goes?
Where have I ________________ to myself, what I am accusing the other of doing or not doing???
When I can become accountable and vulnerable I can then allow others to be who they are!.
To use this in a business sense;
I will never be a successful entrepreneur.
Is that True?
What is the Evidence to make you believe it is true?
True?
How do you treat yourself by believing this thought? (Not a winner, insecure,)
How do you treat others by believing this thought? Do you talk “about” others who are successful in a not positive way? Do you separate yourself from others?
(Magic Question)
So where would you be without this thought?
Turn it around;
I am successful, etc..
So do you see where this can go?
Write down some thoughts;
Where have you been having limiting beliefs, false beliefs and false ideas?
What do you believe are the benefits of having these thoughts?
Where would you be if you weren’t living in the False Beliefs, False Ideas, and False Concepts?
Thoughts and Ideas?.... (Journal)
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Self Talk; Changing your Words
A little kingdom I possess, Where thoughts and feelings dwell; And very hard the task I find Of governing it well.
-- Louisa May Alcott, Unknown , born November 29, 1832
Moving forward from the False Beliefs, False Ideas and False Concepts we need to go deeper.
At what age did you start telling yourself you weren’t good enough, rich enough, handsome enough, pretty enough….. enough?
If you don’t have any of the above, then skip this chapter and move on. But I am sure if you stop and close your eyes and think you will be able to remember deep down in your inner core a time when then message between your ears stopped you from doing what you were meant to do or be! (Otherwise you would be doing it and not reading this book!
Let’s look at some of the not positive self-talks you have had (and if you don’t have any, again skip over this and go right to your “Positive Self Talk”
If you are a female did you ever hear;
You don’t need to go to college, just find a husband?
Girl’s don’t do that?
If I only were pretty…. If I only ….
As a young Man did you ever hear;
You are not a man if you cry?
You are not a man until you _________
Toughen up!
You need to be the bread winner
Fill in the blank ______________________________________
Where did we start telling ourselves we were not good enough, or would not be successful?
I know for me I have “other” things that kept me from becoming my true self until later and after lots of “extra work”. Yet here it is thirty eight years later from when I first started, really started “working on myself” and I am finding every day new awakenings that keep me from really being all that I can and want to be.
My most recent journey has been about my ideas about money, more about that in the next chapter…
I heard as a child;
You can’t do that you are not old enough,
You can’t do that you are not a boy,
When I wanted to be a cellist, I was told I wouldn’t make any money by being that!
(So what did I do? Gave up the cello!)
You can’t do that we don’t have the money
As I grew and became more rebellious I was threatened by my parent to be sent to a convent (we weren’t even catholic!). I remember my Dad picking up the phone and (I don’t know if he was acting or there was a person on the other end) and saying he was going to bring me right away… Now what message did that send? Maybe I was not good enough to be a part of this family?
I also thought I was a “fat” child because of the names my older brother would call me, and when I look at photos it is so far from the truth! But the message stuck for years, no matter what “size” I was I always had a “fat head” (thinking I am fat).
We all have some thoughts, stories where we can relate to negative self-talk.
I do know when I started to “work” on myself the first thing I remember hearing was, “Turn the negative into a positive”. I was reminded there is a positive for every negative.
There are many studies that show a correlation to relentless self-criticism and depression and anxiety. In a study done and published in Comprehensive Psychiatry, by David M Dunkley and his colleagues at Jewish General Hospital in Montreal with 107 patients found that those who were most self-critical were the most likely to be depressed and have difficulties in relationships four years later, even if they weren't depressed to begin with.
“Self-criticism is also a factor in eating disorders, self-mutilation and body dysmorphic disorder -- that is, preoccupation with one's perceived physical flaws. "We have expanded what we expect of material success and physical appearance so that it's completely unrealistic," says Robert L. Leahy, a psychiatrist and director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York.” (Beck, 2009)
On the more positive side;
Positive thinking can impact your ability to (be)
• Cope with stress
• Increase your immunity
• Overall well being
• Reduce Cardiovascular problems
• Lessen depression
• Increase lifespan
• More Resilient
“Researchers have also found that in the wake of a crisis, such as a terrorist attack or natural disaster, positive thoughts and emotions encourage thriving and provide a sort of buffer against depression among resilient people. Fortunately experts also believe that such positivism and resilience can be cultivated. By nurturing positive emotions, even in the face of terrible events, people can reap both short-term and long-term rewards, including managing stress levels, lessening depression, and building coping skills that will serve them well in the future.” (Cherry)
Positive thinkers don’t become Pollyanna’s; they develop a more positive approach to challenges, and think of better solutions. They learn from their experiences.
Now we have all heard about affirmations, Right? How are they really working for you?
Afformations (yes you are reading it correct)
I recently came across a new approach presented by Noah St John author of “Secret Code of Success”. In his book he talks about how for years we have been saying, “I am thin, I am rich, I am successful” and for some reason after years of saying this nothing has changed. The reality is your subconscious knows you are not telling the truth!
He discovered and made a new word, “Afformations”. Using the example of Google Search and how when we search for something. The web crawlers, SEO, etc. start searching for answers!
So instead of saying, “I am” he added, “Why am I________”, This simple sentence added to your “affirmation” turning it into an “afformation” will bring success.
Here is an example;
When I changed my thought from “I am my ideal weight” to “Why am I my ideal weight” I started to think about foods and exercise in a different way. My thoughts attracted better things for me. After a year and a half on not releasing any weight, I changed my food plan and in one month I released eight pounds!
Using it in business;
“I am successful” (my bank account would disagree!) to “Why am I so successful” I started to do things that would bring success to me. Writing (finishing my book) realizing that until I had creditability people wouldn’t listen to me!
I also engaged with coaches to improve myself more. I started to take action for what I wanted so dearly.
What is it that you have been saying (all these years or just recently) and how well has it been working? I suggest you get a copy of Noah’s book, “Secret Code of Success”, you will be glad you did.
Another one of my mentors, coach and friends is Dr. Yvonne Oswald. She has written a book called, “Every Word has Power”. Her approach is based on NLP,
Neurolinquistic Programing
NLP is how to utilize our neurology to produce self-talk and behaviors that generate successful results consistently and repeatedly.
Neuro: Events are processed through the mind and nervous system via the five senses:
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthetic
• Olfactory
• Gustatory
Linguistic: The language and nonverbal communication faculties that are filed, coded and made meaningful neurologically include:
• Pictures
• Words (Self Talk)
• Sounds
• Tastes
• Smells
• Feelings
Programming: The ability to discover, change and redesign communication and goal setting programs and strategies to actualize successful results.
Dr Yvonne chunks down how the unconscious mind works in layman terms.
This is an excellent read and eye opening when you start to practice it the principles she lays out for you.
Dr. Yvonne mentions in her book and in her trainings that we buy the same way whether it is a house, car, article of clothing, etc. Once we understand how our prospect, client etc. buys, we are in a better position to gain their trust and make the sale.
What are some of the ways that you buy?
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What words could you change that will make you have more confidence, energy, satisfaction?
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Thoughts: (Journal)
Success What Success Means to Me?
Have you thought about Success? Really thought about it? Are you ready for success? Everything that is in this book leads up to (your) success.
Success is different for everyone. I remember years ago attending one of my many “self-improvement, motivating seminars”. It could have been Anthony Robbins, Tom Hopkins, one of those “guru’s”. At that time I was a successful Real Estate Broker and I also had a retail store and a small dance studio. I owned my own home four (4) doors from the ocean, had a nice convertible, and my kids were in college. I was a single parent most of their lives and at this time I was single.
The seminar started on a Friday evening and was for the weekend. It was local so I was able to commute. When we were getting ready to leave around 11 PM the speaker said, “Okay everyone, we are going to be back here at 8:30 AM sharp, right?” All 150 people in the audience cheered and said in unison “Yes”.
On my way home I stopped by one of my favorite dance places, danced a little and got home at a reasonable hour. I set two alarms and went peacefully off to sleep.
The next morning I hit the snooze alarm to both, got up made my coffee, showered and I was on my way. I stopped to get gas and when I arrived at the hotel I was 20 minutes late. I took my place, quietly in the back of the room and got into the program. After a bit the speaker asked, “Who was late this morning?”
I raised my hand as did a few others. He finished his thoughts and then he proceeded to ask me personally some questions.
“Why were you late?” I said, “ I set my alarm, got gas” and he stopped me and said again,
“Why were you late?” “Didn’t we make a commitment?”
I said yes, but… and he said,
(I think you know already), “those are excuses!
We made a commitment!”
Then he proceeded to ask;
“If I told you that you would have been given a million dollars if you were to show up on time, would you have been here on time?”
I said, “No”
He said, “If I told you your kids would have been abducted by aliens if you didn’t show up in time, would you have been here?
I said, “No”
And from the front of the room someone yelled, “Check her pulse!”, and the room filled with laughter.
You see he missed what was my “hot button” at that time. If he would have said that I would have met the man of my dreams, my soul mate, my companion…. I would have been there on time!
So what I am saying, it is important to identify what is really important to you and go for it. The same when you are working with a client. It is extremely important to ask questions. Find out what is really important to them.
Prior to the last year, money was not my motivator. My kids have always been important. When the speaker used my kids to get a rise out of me, I knew at that point they were taking care of and no matter what happens in their life, they will and do well.
Today I still am not motivated by money. I know the more money I have the more I can do for myself and others, but it is not my “God”. People are my motivation today and always have been. I love to help others.
What motivates you? _____________________________________________________
A Business Book wouldn’t be complete without addressing $$
Money Money Money
What are some of your ideas about Money?
Money doesn’t grow on trees?
What do you think I am made of money?
I can’t afford that?
The rich are ______
Any of the above cross you mind? I remember growing up believing that we did not have enough money for me to go to college. My parents did believe my brother should go to college, but for me they tried to deter me to “get married”. I don’t think they knew it, but the indirect messages were pretty clear. Dating someone and getting engaged in my Senior year, instead of being discouraged or directed to a “good education”. They would say I probably wouldn’t have listened, but I wonder what would have been if they tried.
I am of the belief that our life is predestined, so it really doesn’t matter, I just need to show up and be the best me I can be.. Ok, back to money.
I got my first job, besides my lemonade stand and summer shows/skits we put on in the backyard, at fourteen. I was suppose to be sixteen to get working papers, but my Mother assisted me in getting them. So my first “job” at 14 ½ was in a grocery store in the meat dept, and then cashier.
I don’t remember my first pay check but I do remember the feeling of independence that I no longer had to ask my parents for money (this I didn’t do too often as I remember feeling there was not “enough” money.) I do remember hearing some of the statements above, and today I still cringed when I hear that, “I can’t afford that”. Ugh.. why not?
Okay so enough about me, now what about you? What are some of the “ideas” that you have about money?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
How deserving are you to receive all the money that is due you?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I would like you to be at the point that you feel deserving of abundance and that nothing or no one will hold you back from those thoughts and feelings. (if you aren’t you may want to seek out a coach)
Do I still need some help in the area of Money?
What are some of the limiting Beliefs you need help with?
Once again, Three Things that keep us from being Successful
False Ideas
False Beliefs
False Concepts...
Do you have any keeping your from being your True Self?
You may purchase my book or any chapter.. This is a Workbook to be used over and over again! Happy Success
Chapter Only $9.95 / chapter